Alright, so theres more really. Its not more actually, its just something that also should be addressed. So im going to learn more on psychology. For one reason, there are people in this world, as you will find, who it would help them a great deal. For another, there is someone in your life, you know who they are, who it would help them a great deal too. Both these reasons apply to me at this point in time. In doing research about people, then problems with people, then people with problems, then people with problems who create more problems wich creates people with problems, Ive found that its not as difficult as you would think to help some one out. Whether they have had a simple bad day or are putting themselves in grave danger, just talking to someone helps. And i dont mean like brain shitting all over them, i mean liek talking as in letting them know you care. Thats it really. Once this person knows they have someone to talk to forever and ever, its all good. Most people who are depressed or feel shitty for one reason or another dont say anything. They sit there and it gets worse. See thats no one fault either, i know i dont wanna talk when im pissed or sad or w.e unless someone beats it out of me. Its key though, letting the person you wanna help out know that you really actually wanna help because you care for them because there them. This is what alot of parents over look i think. Parents care for there kids, alot of the time, because there suppose to. Either its because the law says so, or its because its whats said in society. Kids know when there doing it too. They know when there parents say "We're just trying to help" or "We care about you, you know that" that its bullshit. I know ive seen it in my life. I think its the parentals being childish. I say, if you cant live up to w.e a kid may need; and im not talking about when your kid says 'i wanna mansion' 'i need new clothes' 'i gotta have a new car', im talking about emotionally and physically, then dont have them for christ sake. Actually, not for christs sake, for the sake of human kind. SO many parents out there have ther own shit to deal with, wich isnt a bad thing not atall, but when your kid is suffering and you jsut dont have the time to deal, remember that your kid isnt some sort of equation or machine. Meds>Doctors>Punishments ; these dont Solve Anything. I think that goes for everyone who opens up to a special person. You need to be ontop of shit like feelings. You may not be able to provide financially or w.e but, when you can be keen to that persons feelings and let them know your there, it doesnt really matter.
Thats my background i guess. As for mylife theres issues i think that are needed to be dealt with still and im going to be doing my best. Its tough though when your not sure what to do always, even if you can put on the "Ya ima badass, I know how to handle things" costume, its not going to work all the time. Im not stuck or anything, i just know theres one more thing i can do. I hope, well i think i know, that that one thing may help more then i would know.. I think i bring this up once a week but; its funny what you do when you have that weird connection with someone can do to you. Makes you almost invincible, and it makes you a better person all at once. Thats a pretty dam nice combination.
I hope this person knows what im talking about, well no one reads this anyways but i hope this person knows what im talking about anyways. Its really super important to me that they both help themselves and allow me to help them too. It effects me a lot, maybe more then they think or know, but truthfully i feel bad for it too. Its something that really makes me sad, makes me think about what it all could come to. If you know me, i always look to the future, i rarely live for this second right now, i always am talking about whats going to happen or what my goals are or whatever. That could be why this concerns me so much. Because if its continued then the future wont be what we both want it to be... and trust me, we both really REALLY like the future as we planed it. Lets just hope for the best and do what we can. I know i will. Wish me luck.

Ok so, dam. So i guess im going to ramble on about some shit because i need some advice and i dont know who to ask becaus no one knows more about this that i know then me.Its a really tough situation. Say theres somone that you loved. Like i mean L-O-V-E, none of this liek fling stupid shit or like one night stand yelling "I love you" while you fuck eachother madly. I mean like your in-love. In love so much that your at the point in the relationship that like, you overlook your feelings when that person needs help. The point where a person stops being selfish about stupid things physical and mental, and start caring about this other person more then you would yourself. Thats the kind of love im talking about... Ok so back to it, so theres someone you love. Lets say that ummm.. for shits and giggles the scenerio is that there dying of some illness that cannot be treated for whatever reason, lets say because of money related issues. So theres your loved one, suffering.. suffering of this disease thats taking over there body and theres only a minimal amount you can do to help. You know you can liek make them laugh, make them forget about reality, give them a good time. Shit like that. But you know deep down that like, you wanna really help. You really wanna make an impact. You wanna either, find some weird ability to where you can turn the disease into a grown man instead of bacteria, and beat the shit out of it until its a bloody pulp. Or like you wanna just load yourself up with guns and raid a bank for all there money. But the point is, is that you feel like you need to do something, so much that it hurts. That it makes you cry, or it crushes you inside. It crushes you inside because you know you cant do those things.... You know, as yourself, that you cannot do anything to make that sort of an impact, to where; POOF! The Disease is GonE!
Its not possible at this time, or maybe ever. Thats how i feel right now, i feel as thought im sitting here holding this person that im inlove with on there bed as i watch the killer disease consume there body. If youve never been in this position, then know that you almost would rather die then be here. I just need to help in some way. Ive done everything that i can think of. And if they ask me for anything else, then ill do that too. But it jsut hurts so much when you want them to feel like they can count on you for anything, but your failing now. Well, im not saying that this person in the senerio is thinking that, but thats the way you feel yourself, is that your not doing enough. Do you rob the bank? The go to jail obviously and risk never seeing your person again; as good as death. Or do you invent some sort of device so that you can destroy the virus in an instant. I mean both options are ridiculous... Maybe you should just give up? Maybe like, youve done your part, and everything you can do and now its time for shit to fall how its going to fall... Maybe. Maybe you need to udnerstand that. Even if its hard you need to understand that theres nothing you can do at this point in time but keep doing what youve been doing and try your hardest to do your best... Maybe you should jsut do that and stay put where you are, let life do whatever it needs to do to get back to normal. Well i thought about it for 5 minutes after my last statment was said, and ive come to the conclusion that the last statment i made was bullshit. How can you give up like that? How can you just say "Oh well i tried.." .What kind of shit is that? I know im not going to do that. I cant, it doesnt fell right, right now. I wont give up on that person. If you did, then thats not love. Ill fight. Ill do whatever it takes to overcome this. Now that i think about this, my position is simple, fix it, because it needs to be done and you cannot watch this person who you love suffer. I know i cant. I fucking wont either. Do whatever it takes, and fuck the odds....

hmmm......shit, man. Love is crazy, but its consumed me and dont regret anything. Its an amazing thing and i love every minute of my life that i have someone to love and who loves me back, thats how i can have this state of mind. i love love and ill do what it takes.